The 3 Phases of Love (and How to Navigate Them Like a Pro)
By a Relationship Therapist Who’s Seen It All
Let’s talk about love—not the movie kind, but the real, messy, beautiful kind that evolves over time. As a couples therapist, I often see people get stuck (or panic!) when their relationship doesn't feel like it used to. So let me walk you through the three phases most romantic relationships go through. Spoiler: If you're feeling unsure or disappointed in your partner lately, you're probably just...in Phase 2. Totally normal. Here's what that actually means.
Phase 1: The “Falling in Love” Stage (aka Limerence or Puppy Love)
Ahhh, the honeymoon phase. You meet someone, the chemistry is off the charts, and suddenly you're texting them nonstop, finishing each other’s sentences, and maybe even naming your imaginary dog together. You feel high—and that’s not a metaphor. Your brain is literally awash in feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin.
In this stage:
You're joined at the hip—think two peas in a pod.
Their flaws? What flaws?
The idea of being with anyone else is laughable.
Everything feels exciting and new.
This stage is often seen in love marriages (versus arranged ones), and while it’s not required, it’s super common in our culture. But here’s the kicker—it doesn’t last forever. And that’s okay.
Phase 2: The “Can I Really Trust You?” Stage
This is where the real relationship work begins. You start to see differences. Conflicts pop up more often. That thing you thought was "quirky"? Now it’s just annoying. Welcome to the trust-building phase.
This typically happens within the first two years and yes—this is where most of the fighting happens. But hear me out: fighting isn’t bad. What matters is how you repair after a disagreement.
Here’s what we know:
Trust isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up when it counts—especially when your partner is struggling.
We’re only emotionally available about 50% of the time (hey, we’re human).
So, statistically speaking, both partners are emotionally in sync just 25% of the time.
That means a whopping 75% of the time is ripe for miscommunication. But here’s the secret: trust is built not in perfection, but in the repair. When you take your partner’s feelings seriously—even the messy ones—you build something solid.
Unfortunately, some people (often feeling hurt or disillusioned) try to recapture the high of Phase 1 by looking outside the relationship. This is where affairs can happen. But they’re often less about lust and more about longing—for attention, validation, or the old spark. Again, totally understandable—but not the only option.
Phase 3: The “Are You All In?” Stage (aka Mature Commitment)
If you’ve made it here, you’ve weathered some storms—and that’s a beautiful thing. Phase 3 is where relationships get real and grounded.
Here, love looks more like:
Mutual respect and acceptance of imperfections.
Deep appreciation and loyalty.
A sense that “we’re in this together,” even when things aren’t easy.
This phase is all about cherishing. When you focus on what you love and value in your partner, you naturally invest more in the relationship. But if you're stuck in resentment or always comparing them to someone else (real or imaginary), that emotional withdrawal can lead to betrayal.
Studies show that most couples around the world remain loyal. Monogamy is still the norm—not because people don’t have options, but because they choose to stay emotionally connected. And get this: when all three phases are navigated with care, couples really can stay in love—not just love each other, but stay in love—for a lifetime.
TL;DR
Phase 1: Butterflies and bliss. Enjoy it, but know it’s just the beginning.
Phase 2: Bumps in the road. Learn to trust and repair.
Phase 3: Deep connection and commitment. Choose to cherish.
Wherever you are in your relationship, you’re not alone. These stages are normal—and they’re navigable with the right mindset (and sometimes a little support).
Want to go deeper?
Check out Dr. Helen Fisher’s work at The Anatomy of Love or Dr. Shirley Glass’s research on trust and betrayal at shirleyglass.com.
And if you're feeling stuck? Don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist. We’re not here to judge—we’re here to help you and your partner write your next great chapter.
*Note: this blog post was written in collaboration with chatGPT.
